Saturday, December 17, 2011

Eye Opener

I've been meaning to post and just haven't found the time, or haven't made the time I guess. I have had quite an eye opening experience/journey of my own over the last 2 yrs. It has become one of those full circle, "aha moment" kind of things for me. I want to be careful not to go into too much detail or focus on myself too much because the focus of this blog is Zac.
To make a long and boring story short and sweet, I have had my own little tiny medical.... "journey" or "issue" or "mystery" over the last 2 yrs.I never really considered it more than a small inconvenience until recently. I've been through the whole process of hours spent searching my symptoms, "dealing" with it, and finally seeking medical help after my husband threatened to tie me up and take me himself. So far I've been shuffled to the cardiologist, one Dr that shall remain nameless... (let's just refer to him as the "quack"), finally a good family MD, and will soon be headed to a Neurologist. What is my point in spilling all of this?? Well, a few actually. We've managed to eliminate a few things so far and my family MD seems to think that Neurology is the next logical move for me. As he's trying to be frank and lay it all on the table, while still trying to be sensitive, he throws out (in his opinion) the top three concerns/reasons he is referring me to this Neurologist. One of those is what is referred to as "absent seizures". Yep. You read it right. I've spent night after night (I don't sleep much and when I do I tend to wake up a few times throughout the night) reading about seizures and didn't spot the signs in myself?? Personally I think this one option is far fetched, but hey, I'm just little old me. What do I know? I feel that the other two things he threw out were far more likely than this. The reason I'm posting all of this is to try and get the wave of emotions accross. I'm a grown woman with three kids of my own. I've been through more than most in my short life, yet I was terrified at the thought of this Neurologist appointment. Of course I called my sister to have her "talk me down". I had a long discussion with my husband. And in the middle of all my questions, confusion, and fear, it is my 10 yr old nephew that has become my inspiration. He has been through medication after medication, seizure after seizure, ups and downs, fear and trials, and he has faced it all with the courage of a lion. The child has been hooked up to countless machines. He's been in the hospital multiple times. He's had his head cut open twice, two 10 hour surgeries.... and he has taken it all in stride. Yes, he's cried. He's gotten frustrated at times. But for the most part he has lived his life to the fullest.
So for whatever this next step in my own medical journey brings, be it an MRI, EEG, or whatever... I say bring it on! I refuse to let the questions and "what ifs" drive me crazy over the next few weeks. There are people dealing with much more.
To my silly, brave, rotten little "Zacarina" I say, thanks little man. Thank you for giving me the courage to face my own fears. Add this to the long list of good that has come out of your journey.

Christmas is coming soon. Take a minute to look past the presents to see what is valuable in your own lives. Be thankful. Remember what Christmas is.

Until next time, stay tuned, spread the word, and count your blessings everyday!

-Zac's Aunt Court

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